LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX?
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9
Part 10
Birthday Intermission
Part 11
Part 12
Part 13
Part 14
Part 15
Part 16
Part 17
Backing up in time for a moment...A day or so after the conference (where Quinn and I first began our love affair), Quinn was sitting in the hallway at his mother’s house. I was walking down the hallway. He reached out and grabbed my ankle and didn’t let go. I dissolved into him and I knew then and there this relationship had just gone to another level. The sexual energy between us felt like an ocean’s wave that washed away the barriers, then a gentle rain that showered us with the blessing, then sunshine that intensified the warmth of the heart, then rainbows that opened up the full spectrum of love.
We sat out by the pool and talked about sex. We both shared our experiences from the past and the intensity of what we were feeling right now. I had never had such an intimate discussion and bearing of my soul about such “private” matters with anyone. I didn’t even talk about it with this much ease with my was-bund of over 20 years. Quinn just simply talked about it. So easy. So free. He didn’t show any embarrassment or discomfort even when sharing about his lack of experience. (Which of course meant that we could design our own sexual and sensual relationship from the ground up with few preconceived ideas about it!)
Quinn was quite upfront about choosing as a teenager to abstain from having sex. Which to me was incredibly impressive and almost unbelievable considering the raging hormones most young adults cave in to at that age. He consciously channeled all of his sexual energy into spirituality instead. He focused without distraction for 4-5 years in meditation until he realized the divinity of the infinite realms. He said that what he had found was way beyond any casual sexual encounter he could imagine--what he found was way beyond life itself! Sex totally paled in comparison.
He told me that he did act on his attraction to a couple of girls in the past, but found that the more he gave of himself, the more they wanted. He said didn’t really even have any friends because everyone always wanted so much of him. Everyone got super attached to his energy and built up demanding expectations which Quinn expressed made him feel like just letting them go. I could feel how all of that could be true, as I witnessed with Quinn that when he was with someone--he was really WITH them. His energy was so clear, gentle, and loving--who wouldn’t want more of that? The love he was sharing with me was really other-worldly. I took note of his unattached perspective, and breathed in the awareness to refrain from being needy or attached like everyone else.
Talking about sex was NOT something that happened in my family--not really much even in my generation, or the generation before. That was one of the taboo subjects that was left up to a special two week school 6th grade course--boys and girls separated of course! We all knew that something “private” was going to be talked about when we finally reached about 12 years of age - something really secretive with answers we would find in the special little booklet we would receive in class. Us girls walked out knowing we were going to menstruate (if we hadn’t already), and what options we would have to manage it. As I remember there was very little shared information about intercourse or pregnancy, except how the woman’s body would retain the blood if needed to grow a baby.
“Sex education” was very superficial and remained an extremely uncomfortable topic to discuss with anyone, except maybe a best friend who didn’t know anything more on the subject than any other kid of our age. There was no internet from which to seek answers or pose questions, and most of our access to books was from the school library. In general we just kept our curiosity at bay while we dealt with the changes of our blossoming bodies. We of course picked up on cues and put the pieces together for ourselves--which was both limiting considering our inexperience, and a blessing considering all the fear and embarrassment society portrayed.
Being able to talk about making love so freely with Quinn was really refreshing. Not only was he able to talk about it, but he carried an energy of purity, excitement, inquisitiveness and ease. I could feel the tension release in my body when opening up to share with him some things locked up tight inside that I had never had inspiration to share before. I felt this was a huge opening for something even deeper. I realized how keeping secrets over the years had actually kept me separate from true intimate communion, and left me alone in my own body and mind. Oh how magnificent it was to experience the contrast!
Go with me on the journey toward Unconditional Love!
Stay Tuned for Part 19
