Oh Happiness! A wise man once said that "Happiness is a pleasure between two pains". Never a truer word said! Whilst you let that sink in let us think about what we need to be happy and what being happy really means. There are so many ways to answer this question! I could speak very philosophically about what happiness is and how it is a state of mind that we choose and are in control of. I could speak very practically about all the things we need to do or have to be happy, such a structure, balanced life, healthy diet, healthy relationships, exercise etc.. These points are all very true, in a way.. or are they? Does doing or owning anything really bring happiness, or are they just a bandage to pacify something deeper inside? Are some people just happy people, and it doesn’t really matter what they do or how they do it? It does seem that certain people are just generally happy, and others are generally just miserable.. so why is this, and why is it that many people just seem to be more or less one way or the other most of the time?!
After quite some thought, I have decided to really share what I need to make me happy.. at least in theory.. because in truth that answer lies way back from my earliest days in my mothers womb. You see, what I am saying is that for someone to be happy, they need to have had their core needs met as a child. If someone doesn’t get this gift of good parenting and a loving family, they will most likely spend their lives fighting an endless inner battle. Those people who are able to heal from this can of course become happy, but in my view it is our first 18 years that are crucial to determining whether we will be happy for the rest of our lives.
That is one side of the coin. There is another side that is very simply that we need good Genetics to be happy! It may sound a bit cold and harsh to say it, but it is fair to say that our emotional make-up is very much influenced by our DNA, and there is not a lot we can do about that! In a way we are born into a personality, predetermined by our genetic make-up, and maybe a bit of past life Karma. Maybe we just are what we are, and all we have to do is learn to live with it?
When we are brought up in a healthy and very strong and loving family we are happy at our core. This explains why some people are just happy people, whereas others always see the glass half empty. We know from meeting people that some people have nothing, or have braved great personal challenges, and are very happy people. We know that most of the rich and famous are not happy. This is because happiness is either seated in our core beingness, or else needs to be shown the way!
So to crystallise this then, what I am saying is that what I need to be happy is... probably a Time Machine! lol ;-) but as a second and more practical option I would have to say Therapy! I say this because to be happy at my core means I have to resolve and integrate childhood wounding that stems as far back as when I was in the womb. This core wounding has led to patterns of thought and behaviour that bring about unhappiness. This is the work of our lives, and having therapy really means getting support to help us find our happiness. Happiness is always there, and even though some people think you need a reason to feel Happy, I think that you don’t. It is a feeling that flows, and is our natural quality when not impeded. If we accept and remove the pain, happiness is always underneath!
And So It is!
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